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Why does he have dangerous things to do this deployment. We have made… - Dizzy's *~Spiral~* Downward [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Aug. 5th, 2008|08:33 am]
Why does he have dangerous things to do this deployment. We have made it through so much for anything to happen. We have dealt with the hardest of times. I've had this cold dark feeling over me since Saturday night. The last time I got any replies from Jason was Thursday. I keep checking the icasualty site it's driving me crazy. My anxiety is unbearable, I am having to take the medicine almost everyday now (though it was prescribed for daily). If I'm not feeling anxious it makes me far too drowsy. I get a phone call at work yesterday from a neighbor.... "um Chrissy, I got some sorta bad news...." I literally stopped breathing my heart stopped beating. My first thought was soldiers in Class A's had been knocking at my door. Really scenario wise you try to play that over in your head beforehand because it is a possibility with war. But I found out I reacted in a way I didn't think I could have imagined. If she had actually said there were soldiers I would have ripped out screaming. I would have fainted. Especially considering I am spending everyday worried out of my mind for his safety. And his salvation. I know there is no marriage in heaven but I still do not want him to spend an eternal afterlife in hell. I love him no matter what his beliefs because I love just him. I think I wouldn't worry as much if him and God were on good terms. I would have faith he was in a good place but i don't know..... I'm just sick all the time with worry. Oh man I can hardly deal with it. I'm losing massive amounts of weight. Hardly eating.... stuff like crackers and fruit. Having nightmares every night about Jason leaving me for another woman or ignoring me all together. My mind is fragile right now. So fragile.

[User Picture]From: grniiis
2008-08-06 01:35 pm (UTC)
I don't know what his beliefs are- but by what you are hinting at-

there is a passage in the Bible somewhere about a non-believer being saved by being married to a believer- I think due to the whole two shall be as one thing or something...

We are all praying for him. It is not in your hands, it is in God's- sometimes that helps.
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